feels.

its that blank moment. you are dumbfounded and blown the fuck away with how things have unfolded right before you. plop, in your lap like, hi here i am, get with it. 

its when you are smacked in the face with reality and do not shy from it, but accept it for its rawness and dangerous truth that has become. the once fabricated beliefs have now dissipated and this is what your left with. why not, take it for what it is. 

its when you are face to face with your demise and can look it deep in the eyes and accept the damn thing. accept. tpecca. accept. ohh, you've been a tough one to get my hands on. 

its like this. its like the epitome of becoming a "stable" person, mostly on the inside and out, but one small instance can swipe it from right beneath your feet. splat, there goes everything you built, and now you're back at square one. which is ok. you just need to battle yourself internally, again, to gain sanity. 

its the calm before the storm when you think you can shed all emotions and feels that will insert negative notations to your life and will inquire you to be stagnant. true self reflection. the type of reflection when you actually take your own damn advice for the first time in years. 

its when you are scared shitless of letting go, putting your efforts to a halt, and basically retire all memories and thoughts that frequent your mind on the daily. like what the fuck else will occupy me?

its like this. and its happening right now.